What in the Gay Hell . . . . ?

A while back a news item caught my eye.

It seems that Mattel has decided to launch a "Palm Beach" line of Barbie Dolls and her friends. Included amongst these is

Sugar Daddy Ken.

What in the GAY HELL is that supposed to be!

Oh. My. God! I always suspected that Ken was a little on the closeted side; I mean really, he's awfully "stylish" and is always hanging around with Barbie, Skipper, Pepper and all of those vixens. He had all the signs of gay BFF long before Will met Grace. And let's face it. We all knew once we pulled down his pants that Barbie was only staying with him to get the dream house and the dream car. If you know what I mean.

But THIS! This is so . . . so . . . stereotypically "old moneyed queen trolling for rent boys in South Beach". Blech!

I don't get it. If they're going to have Ken come out of the closet, at least give him the dignity of not debuting as an old troll with a yappy dog.

It's just tragic!

Sigh.

It makes me nostalgic for the days of Bob the Gay Doll (the first gay doll. released in 1977)


Oh well. At least if they're going to make Ken a "Sugar Daddy" maybe they can have one of the Billy dolls as his boytoy.




By the way. Yes, I know I've been neglecting my blog lately. But work has been batshit crazy, and we've been really busy at home. So the blogging has suffered a bit. I'll try to get back here more often.

The sun will come out . . .

It's interesting. In the days since I posted about National Coming Out Day and the National Equality March, the gay community has entered into a rather heated conversation.

A lot of this conversation revolves around President Obama's speech at the Annual Human Right's Campaign Dinner on Saturday night. President Obama re-iterated his promises to overturn Don't Ask Don't Tell and the (so called) Defense of Marriage Act along with signing hate crimes legislation and employment discrimination protections for GLBT people.

It seems the gay community is divided pretty much down the middle. There are the people who are happy with Obama's promises and think that the GLBT community should be satisfied to "wait its turn" while the president focuses on the war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, healthcare reform, and the lousy economy. Then there are those who think that action is coming too slowly and that our community shouldn't settle for "tomorrow"; but should demand "NOW!"

As for myself, I have to say "wait until it's a better time" reeks of "the check is in the mail." It's an empty promise used to avoid confrontation over an issue that they don't want to discuss.

GLBT equality is just as important an issue as all the rest. It's insulting and demeaning to imply that equal rights for American Citizens is a lower priority than anything else. The assumption that all men are created equal is the basis of our country. It should be the FIRST priority. Anything less is unacceptable.

Would the African-American community have asked Rosa Parks to sit back in the rear of the bus until the Cold War was over? Would they have asked Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to postpone his dream until after Viet Nam? Of course not! Why then are our own leaders telling us to wait?

A lot of people are saying that Obama and the Democratic controlled congress are gearing up for the next election; that they need to be careful now, and not do anything TOO controversial until they've gotten reelected. That's a load of bullshit. You know what? There's ALWAYS going to be another election coming. And if we buy that as a stall tactic now, they'll expect us to roll over for it next time, and the time after. If we continue to wait until equality is convenient for everyone else, we will NEVER get it

The thing is. Nobody should be asking us to wait! Gay Rights are GOOD for the country! Allowing gays to serve openly in the military would immediately help the war effort because it'd mean the Armed Forces would stop losing so many good people. In my last blog I talked about how much gay couples have to pay to approximate what straight couples take for granted. Imagine if all those gay couples could stop paying that money to lawyers and were able to spend it on goods and services. Wouldn't that help the overall economy? And when we've got to pay the "marriage penalty" tax that straight couples have to pay, wouldn't that benefit the treasury of the United States?

And then you start looking at little factoids like "Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the country". Wow, I guess gay marriage won't destroy the country and ring the death knell for "traditional marriage" after all.

I'm sorry folks. The HRC has it wrong. We need to leave the singing of "Tomorrow" to Annie, and start demanding "TODAY!" from our leaders. Be they leaders of the GLBT movement, or our elected leaders at the City, County, State, and Federal level.

The squeaky wheel get's the grease. So we're going to need to start squeaking. A LOT!

I'm an AMERICAN!

I pay my TAXES!

I demand my RIGHTS!

NOW!

Marching along . . .

My last blog was about things that I shouldn't take for granted. Today's blog is about things that YOU shouldn't take for granted.

You see, today is National Coming Out Day; and the day of the National Equality March in Washington D.C. And today is the day we're discussing all the ways that Gays and Lesbians aren't equal right here in the "land of the free".

Just in case anyone wasn't already 100% clear . . . I'm gay. Scott is my husband. We were married last year. Not legally, of course, because we live in Florida. But we did have a Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding, and we're as married as any other couple we know. Heck more married than some.

So, my dear straight friends, this is about things that we don't have that you shouldn't take for granted.

For instance, a married couple is automatically designated as next of kin for each other. They get the right to see and make medical decisions for their partner if the partner is incapacitated. This isn't the case for gay couples. And even though Scott and I have given each other Medical Power of Attorney, there's no guarantee that it'll be honored by any given hospital. Here's a case in South Florida where a woman was kept from the bedside of her dying partner. The hospital told her that Florida is an "anti-gay state" and that they wouldn't honor her legal documents. To make matters worse, when the woman sued the hospital, the courts backed the hospital!

This terrifies us. We live in Florida. And even though we've taken all the legal steps that we can to protect ourselves, it's still possible for some bigot to decide to ignore those protections.

Speaking of taking those steps to protect ourselves, we had to spend quite a bit of money to get the legal documents drawn up. Let me tell you, Brittney Spears paid a LOT less for her quickie wedding than Scott and I paid for wills, power of attorney, etc. And we don't even get the full compliment of protections that she threw away when she changed her mind and kicked the guy to the curb a day later.

They New York Times recently did a study on the costs of being a gay couple. In other words, what it costs us to accomplish what straight couples get simply by being married. It's a variable statistic of course; but on the low end, a gay couple has to spend over $25,000 to approximate what a straight couple has. In some cases, the amount can go up to nearly HALF A MILLION DOLLARS!

Tell me again, how "we hold these truths to be self evident" that all Americans are equal? Bullshit.

I could go on and on and on, of course. The gist of my message is this. I'm and American Citizen! I pay my taxes! I want equality!

If you've got it, don't take it for granted. And do what you can to help those of us who are getting a bum deal.

I wish that we could been in Washington today to march along with them. We couldn't. But that doesn't matter. The spirit of the march is that we keep fighting. And by doing what we can day to day, we are always marching along . . .

Not taking things for granted . . .

A lot of things recently have made me stop and think. And think hard.

A very dear friend of mine, the very picture of health and fitness spent a week in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism that nearly killed her. A risk of her job, and birth control, yes. But a very scary wake-up call nonetheless. I'm not taking my friends for granted today.

A lovely lady who I've had the privilege of watching perform lost her husband this weekend. He had a heart attack while riding his motorcycle. It was their second wedding anniversary. I'm not taking Scott for granted today.

Two different friends have lost their pet cats this week. To be honest, I'm not a cat person, but the loss of any friend, be they two legged or four legged, is difficult. It's like walking around with a hole in your life. I'm not taking Tolliver for granted today.

I had the chance to meet new friends over the past couple of weeks. People that I knew online, but now have connected with and laughed with in person. I'm not taking opportunities to change and grow for granted today.

I listened to an acquaintance talk about how poorly his parents and family had treated him. I'm not taking my loving, accepting family for granted today.

I've mentioned the Adventurers Club in this blog before. It's been closed for a year now, but we've gotten word that they've begun to strip it bare in preparation for demolition. I'm not taking good times and laughter for granted today.

I've got several friends who have become unemployed recently. I'm not taking my job for granted today.

I've had a lot of medical tests and dental issues lately. Things are fine, but I'm not taking my health for granted today.

Life is funny. Sometimes it takes some really crappy news to make you realize how lucky you are.

I am. And I promise myself that I'm going to remember that I am.

Sorry that this blog post is such a downer today. But it's where my head is at right now.

I promise I'll try and be witty and amusing on the next one.

For now, it's time for bed. Tomorrow is another day . . .

. . . and, I'm not going to take it for granted.

Making it up as we go along . . .

So, at the end of my last blog post, I mentioned that we were going to spend our "It's a year after our Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding" Monday night eating a nice home cooked meal together. Part of that meal was an experiment that worked out really well, so I'm sharing it with you. No need to thank me . . . actually . . . go ahead . . . thank me; 'cuz this one is GOOD!

After watching way too much of the Food Network and Top Chef I've been inspired to try some new things, or try doing old things in new ways. This isn't always a good thing. Ask Scott to tell you about the red chile rice that was to hot for either of us to eat.

Scott really likes french onion soup. I can take it or leave it, but there are usually a lot of other things on the menu I'd rather eat, though. It's not that I don't like the flavors involved. Heck, onions, beef broth, toasted bread and melted gruyere . . . what's not to like?

So, I decided to play with one of Scott's favorites. A risky prospect. If it turned out well, then I look like a genius; if it turns out badly, Scott's got ammunition to hold over my head for all time. Nobody ever said I don't like the occasional challenge.

I went and bought a couple cans of Campbell's french onion soup, some shredded swiss chees blend (the Sargento brand swiss cheese mix, to be specific. It's very good, you can definitely taste the gruyere in it) and knowing that we had a nice couple of steaks to grill, set out to create a great new side dish to add to our repertoire. I kind of flew by the seat of my pants, and made it up on the fly, but in the end . . . YUMMY! I guess I'm a genius after all! Woo hoo!

So, here's the recipe for the result.

Rob's French Onion Risotto

Ingredients:
1/3 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Cans of Campbell’s condensed French Onion Soup
2 Cans full of water (to re-constitute the soup)
1 Cup of Arborio rice
.5 Cup of shredded gruyere (or Swiss cheese blend) and a bit more for garnishing at the end
Salt & Pepper

First, in a large measuring cup or mixing bowl, combine the condensed soup and the water, and stir together.

Pour the oil into the bottom of a large sauce pan turn the heat up to high. When the oil is hot, add the rice. Stir vigorously for two minutes with a wooden spoon (the rice should just be starting to brown). When the rice is just beginning to get some color, add two ladles of the soup, and turn the heat to medium high. Keep stirring consistantly as the rice absorbs the broth. Once the broth has been absorbed by the rice, add another ladle of the soup and keep stirring. Continue to stir and add additional soup every time it gets absorbed by the rice. After the about six ladles full of broth have been added, check the texture of the rice. It should be soft like any cooked rice, but not mushy. If it's not done, continue to ladle more soup into the risotto and stir it in.

Yes, it's a lot of stirring! My brother, the chef, says that once you start a risotto, you're married to it until it's done.

Once the rice has reached the desired texture, add the shredded swiss cheese, stir in completely and remove the risotto from the heat.

Let it sit for about five minutes.

We paired the risotto with two nice thick rib-eye steaks, steamed green beans dressed with olive oil and garlic pepper, and we opened up a bottle of our favorite chianti (the one we discovered when we were in Florence, natch) It was all very good. But I'm pretty sure that we would both have been happy with just a big plate of the risotto.

So that's it. Give it a try, and then come back and tell me how awesome I am!

What a difference a year makes . . . Part Two

Okay, so yesterday, I talked about the fact that our favorite place closed on September 27th last year.

Now we get to talk about the fun stuff that happened last year on September 28th. You see, we'd planned our Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding 15 months in advance. So we had no idea that we'd be getting married at the Adventurers Club the day after it closed.

The club's closing was distressing enough, but it was going to close the NIGHT BEFORE OUR WEDDING! We nearly called it off. We were so stressed, and so upset.

Looking back now, we're so happy we stuck to our original plan and had our ceremony at the club. It was a great way to say good-bye to the place.

So today, we're remembering what a great time we had exactly a year ago today. And it was a truly GREAT time. Sure, a Disney wedding ain't cheap. And sure, it's not legal in Florida. But we did it anyway. And we wouldn't change any of it. We had a blast. Our family had a blast. Our friends had a blast. It was just . . . a BLAST! Good times, good food, good drinks, and excellent company. A winning combination.

And here we are a year later. Not much has changed of our day to day life, actually. We've been together for six years, and we've been living in this house for over four. And we've had Tolliver for nearly two years. So our daily routine didn't change much after the wedding; with the exception that we've got wedding bands on our hands now. And they occasionally get left on a bathroom counter or something.

But something did change in our outlook. Mostly, the change came in early November when Florida along with California and Arkansas passed hateful ant-gay legislation. We've become a lot more vocal in talking about our marriage since then. Not that we were ever really "in the closet" or anything, but now. Well now we engage people in the conversation. We let them know how very married we are, and how little our relationship differs from other married couples. Except that we don't get equal protection under the law for ours. And we explain exactly what that means. You'd be amazed at how many people didn't realize just how unprotected their gay friends and family are. Even with all the legal steps like wills, and power of attorney in place, gay couples aren't even remotely equal in the eyes of the law or the federal government. And rather than letting that discrimination go un-noticed, we've started to speak up.

It's going to be a long hard fight, but we'll get there someday.

But today isn't the day to focus on the fight for freedom.

Today is the day to celebrate what we've already accomplished. Scott and I will be spending a nice quiet night at home alone with a home cooked meal. Nothing fancy, but it sure does feel like something a married couple would do. Well, this married couple at least.

What a difference a year makes . . . Part One

There have been a lot of things going on lately that have me reflecting back to the last weekend in September of last year.

You see, the last weekend in September was a life-changing time for Scott and me. In some ways that were of our own devising, and in some ways that were not.

Let's start with the things over which we had no control.

A year ago today, the powers that be closed the clubs at Disney World's Pleasure Island. This was a particularly difficult blow to us, as one of those clubs, The Adventurers Club, had become very important to us. Scott and I met at Pleasure Island (at the retro-themed night club, 8-Traxx, to be specific) five years earlier during Gay Days of 2003. Our first date started at the Adventurers Club; and when we moved to Orlando a year later, we were drawn to this unique and wonderful attraction masquerading as a night club.

As theatre geeks, we were both thrilled with the interactive performance of the very talented cast of the AdvClub. The audience interaction, the rotation of actors through the roles from night to night, the semi-scripted nature of it, and the sheer joy of it captivated us.

As Disney geeks, we were agog at the intricate level of themed detail that brought a 1937 Explorers club to life each night. The decor, the special effects, the architecture . . . everything worked so harmoniously to create a magical world, where our hardy band of adventurers welcomed strangers into the "once a year, open house and membership drive of 1937" every single night. It was something that nobody but Disney could have even attempted, let alone pulled off so amazingly well.

As a new couple, both starting over in a new town, we discovered something even more magical than either excellent theatre or Disney excellence at the AdvClub. We found an amazing group of friends. Slowly, we got to know other people who frequented the club, the bar staff, and a couple of the performers. Among the frequent club goers, we found our family. Well, our "Florida Family" anyway. Our social life revolved around the Adventurers Club, no doubt about it. The Adventurers Club Creed includes the lines "If you come in here a stranger, you will exit as a friend." That's just what happened for us. Our best friends were there, we had only to go and meet them. Every time we'd walk into the club, it was like coming home from a trip, and having everyone be happy to see you. Being told that it was being taken away from us was . . . well, words aren't adequate to describe how angry, sad, lost, and betrayed we felt. And the circumstances of the closing weekend were even more painful to us, and I'll touch on that in part two.

So, our beloved club was shuttered. Our "Florida Family" has still managed to stay together, and we see each other with enough regularity that we remain close friends. But we miss seeing each other weekly, and we miss seeing everyone else from the club as well. We rarely get to see our other friends, the ones that were pleasant acquaintances, or bar staff, or performers, or wonderful people who we really liked but weren't able to make it to the club as much as some of the rest of us. And sadly, when we do get to see them these days, it's for a painfully brief amount of time.

A little piece of my inner child died that last night we spent at the club. And the world is a less magical place for the loss.

Sure, we've soldiered on, as any good adventurer is supposed to do, but we miss is still. As much as we did the first weekend night where we would normally have gone to Pleasure Island and were left with nowhere to go.

Life has gone on, to be sure. But this weekend, I can't help but be reminded of the last line of the Adventurers Club Theme Song:


"An Adventurers Life is Best . . . . . "

The Food and Wine Festival . . . welcome to Cop-Out Land

Scott and I love this time of year in Central Florida. The weather is starting to get a little cooler, and the tourists crowds have thinned out, and best of all . . . it's the Epcot International Food and Wine Festival! Woo hoo!

Heck, we love this time of year so much, that when it came time to decide when to have our "Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding" in 2008, we didn't hesitate to plan it so that the dates coincided with the festival. What better time to have all of our friends and family in town, right? It was great, and we're glad we booked the weekend we did.

So the anticipation for this year's festival has been building for the past couple of months, and we went for the first time today. And as much as we love it, this year is a bit of a let-down.

Firstly, the wine seminars and guest chef presentations that used to be free, now have a charge associated with each one. This isn't the end of the world to us, as we've attended relatively few of these in past years, but honestly, getting into Epcot ain't cheap and the "extras" of going during the festival were a great perk.

Secondly, we're a bit peeved at the changes to "Party for the Senses" this year. Party for the Senses is a fairly high-end event that we have loved in the past. Guest chefs from all over the world at food stations preparing sample sizes of whatever they want to make, alongside wine purveyors, a few beer sellers and usually a representative from McCallan Scotch. All this is accompanied by performances by select act from Cirque du Soleil. This year, however, they've decided to take the winning formula for this event and change it. Now, each week's party will have a different "theme" for the chef's to match. The themes are things like "Comfort Food with a Twist" to "Italian". Honestly? This event doesn't need a theme. "Party for the Senses" IS the theme! In addition, they added a V.I.P. section where for an additional charge of $75 (in addition to the $125 plus tax they charge for the party itself.) The V.I.P. section gets guaranteed seating additional artisan cheese displays and an open bar. The seating is a nice perk, but why an open bar at an event that already features all you care to drink wine and beer? Especially since wines and beers pair so much better with food than liquor does. So it wasn't broke, and they tried to fix it anyway; and because of that, we're skipping it this year. Hopefully the new concept will bomb and they'll return it to the old way of doing things next year. I'm not holding out much hope on that though, Disney isn't making the best decisions lately.

Thirdly, the food booths. While the offerings from the food booths are pretty good this year, and all; it once again seems that portions sizes have gone down while the prices have increased slightly. And the really cool things like the mini-pavilions that we've seen in past years (like the sections for Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Australia) are not there this year. The huge grassy areas adjacent to the French and German pavilions are not utilized at all this year. One friend asked "What country is this?" My answer: "Cop-Out Land". Yes, I realize that they probably couldn't get anyone to sponsor those pavilions this year due to the economy, but the fact is that Disney has set an expectation that the Food and Wine Festival would have these fun experiences, and they're simply not delivering them.

Yeah, we'll go back to the Food & Wine Festival every week this year like we have in years past, but we'll continue to realize that we're getting less and being charged more. That doesn't make us happy.

It seems to me that Disney as a whole has begun to suffer from "corporate thinking" the past few years. Disney used to understand that if you build a really great guest experience, that people would flock to it, return time after time, and recommend it to their friends. Thus creating a great guest experience leads to a great bottom line. Rather than focusing on the guest experience, they've begun to focus on the bottom line. And while a great guest experience leads to a great bottom line. A decision based solely on the bottom line, has never, in the history of the world, led to a great guest experience. It's a short-sighted and dangerous decision to make; because if Disney continues to dilute and diminish the guest experience, the guests will eventually stop coming.

And Disney is diluting and diminishing the guest experience everywhere we turn. They closed the clubs at Pleasure Island a year ago (including the astounding Adventurers Club which was unique experience in all the world, and is the pinnacle of Disney Imagineering's accomplishments in themed entrainment and guest interaction) in order to replace them with "shopping and dining" from third party companies who would pay rent. In other words, they took a unique guest experience and plan to turn it into an outdoor shopping mall, just like any other shopping center in the country. What's the draw there? Why would people travel to get an experience that they can get at home?

It's a lame, short sighted way of doing business, and I hope Disney comes to its senses soon. Because eventually, they won't be able to recover. Which would be a really sad thing.

Oh, and I got a sunburn at the Food and Wine Festival today, but can't find any way to pin that on Disney, so I'll blame myself for that one.

Worlds Collide

Sometimes Facebook is a scary thing.

Sure, it's a fantastic way to keep up with what your friends are doing, catch up and reconnect with old friends, and to join in a more "global" conversation about things that are important to our society. Granted that global conversation also has the propensity to include funny video clips, and the omnipresent personality quizzes, but it's also brought a lot of people into the very important discussions of civil rights, marriage equality, health care reform, etc.

None of that scares me. Well, to be honest, sometimes what some people who are friends of mine SAY in those conversations is pretty damn scary, but the fact that there's open dialogue, helps that. Open dialogue helps to bring about mutual understanding and acceptance. At least that's what I tell myself.

What scares me is that WORLDS COLLIDE!

For instance, last night I was having drinks with Rosie and her husband James while they are vacationing at Disney World. Rosie is a relatively new friend, and last night was the first time we've actually met in person. She lives in Portland, Oregon, and I live in the Orlando, Florida area. I know her via the DIS, a Disney fan site that has a forum for Gay and Lesbian Disney fans and their families and friends. Rosie and I are both very active on the GLBT forum, and have struck up a friendship. So she, along with some other people that I enjoy chatting with on the DIS, have become Facebook friends as well; and many of them are becoming real life friends, too. The wonders of the internet age. Friends that we've never met.

I commented to Rosie that I'd recently gotten a "Friend Suggestion" from Facebook, and that it when I clicked on that person's name to see why Facebook suggested that I become friends with her, it turned out that she was a friend of Rosie's and a friend of someone with whom I attended Junior High School in a small town in Colorado! When I mentioned the name of this friend, it turns out that she had worked at the same company as James for a time.

See? Worlds collide.

Someone that I knew in my childhood in Colorado, and hadn't seen in over twenty years worked with someone I had just met, who was married to someone I chat with online every day. Six degrees of separation be damned, we were down to one degree of separation, here.

It's scary! People from my childhood shouldn't know my current online friends! People that I went to college with shouldn't be in the same show with actor's that we met at the Adventurers Club here in Orlando! (yeah, that happened too. I found out when they were both tagged in the same Facebook photo gallery).

Worlds should maintain their orbits (around ME, of course!) and people that I knew in one place shouldn't cross over into other "worlds". It's just not right!

Some people who've encountered this evil phenomenon have commented to me that it's "comforting" to know that we're all so interconnected. "The world is small, and getting smaller, isn't it wonderful!"

Like HELL it is! I've done some embarrassing shit in my life. I don't need these people comparing stories! There's only so much dirt any one person should have on me, dammit!

As I said. Scary. Very, very scary!

I'm almost tempted to go into hiding and change my name and start over somewhere new where nobody knows me.

But in the age of Facebook . . . where exactly would that be?

Theatre happens . . .

This weekend, Scott & I, along with our friend, Joe; drove to a small town about an hour from where we live to see a friend of ours in a community theatre production of Gypsy.

Our friend is a professional actress and was a tour de force in the role of Mama Rose. We knew that she'd be phenomenal. She always is, and that's why we make the effort to see her perform as often as we can (the same way we make the effort to see several of our friends who perform).

So it wasn't surprising that she was good. We were, however, surprised by the quality of the production. The sets, the costumes, the theatre space itself were all very impressive. Not at all what we expected from a community theatre in "the sticks". Despite knowing that they had enough of a budget to hire a professional to play the lead. I guess that should have been the tip-off right there. Sure, not every performer was exceptional, but it was a very enjoyable evening. So great production, great actress. If you're in the Central Florida area, it's worth the trip to Winter Haven to see it.

But it got me to thinking. I've lived in some small towns, and I've lived in some big cities. In every situation, the community somehow provides an outlet for live performance. Usually, fairly decent quality too.

It's no surprise to me that community theatre can be really really good. For the three years that we ran the Phoenix Theatre in Lubbock, Texas we churned out some very high quality productions that remain among some of my proudest achievements. And we had a hell of a good time doing it. And we were one of THREE community theatre organizations. In addition to the fledgling semi-professional theatre company that was trying to get off the ground, the Texas Tech theatre department, and a very highly regarded community theatre only 30 minutes away.

Pretty much everywhere you go. You can find SOMEBODY doing live theatre. Big cities, small towns, churches, schools, community groups, and professionals of various degrees. Not always the same way, not always with huge audiences, rarely with huge budgets.

And this, despite the warnings that continually come that movies, television, and the Internet are the death knell of live performance.

It fascinates me. This human need to create art. Specifically the need to create live performance. It goes on in times of plenty, and in times of hardship. I believe it speaks to a human need to connect on a level that is more intimate that broadcast media, but less personal than conversation. The symbiotic relationship between performer and audience is an interesting dynamic. Performers needing the audience, who in turn need the performers; and yet separated by a wall of convention.

Not sure where this is going. Nobody ever promised you that reading my blog would make any sense. Sometimes I ramble. This is one of those times.

I do wonder though. Is art a necessity? or a luxury? The government tells us that it's a luxury, easily jettisoned when finances are low. But experience tells us that it's a necessity. That for all of recorded history, art has fed a hunger within the human soul. And despite all attempts to regulate it, legislate it, eliminate it from curricula, and marginalize it; it goes on.

Which is how it should be.

Yes, arts organizations are closing all over the country, and government spending is criminally insufficient (that's a rant for another time); but part of me is very interested to see what springs up to take the place of what's been lost. Because something surely will. It seems that it has to.

At least I hope so.

I should be ashamed . ..

. . . but I'm really not.

I am excitedly looking forward to the September 25th opening of what, in all likelihood, will be the most immoral, filthy movie of the year: I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

This movie is based on a book, which is in turn, collected from the stories on a website by a self-admitted asshole named Tucker Max. I own a copy of the book, and had read all of the stories on his website before getting it (there are a couple in the book that weren't ever on the site).

I'll admit it. I find Tucker Max to be hilarious! Fucking funny beyond belief! So funny that I can't read certain stories on his website without doubling over in painful "i-can't-breath-while-i'm-laughing-this-hard" laughter.

This guy has an almost non-existent moral compass. All he wants to do is drink, get laid, be funny, and drink some more.

He's like the ultimate frat boy.

By all rights, I should find him reprehensible. Or at least tiresome. But I don't.

I'm not sure what it says about me that I delight in his sophomoric antics and complete lack of any sense of propriety. But delight in them, I most certainly do.

Most of my friends who I've told about Tucker roll their eyes at me indulgently. I sat Scott down in front of the computer to read one of the stories, and laughed uproariously while he looked at me like I was insane for laughing at such drivel.

It's not like I'm one of those "lowest common denominator" guys who laughs at any old fart joke; But for some reason, this guy just cracks my shit up.

And for all of his failings, there is something I really respect about Tucker Max (beyond the fact that I nearly pee my pants laughing at his writing, that is).

He is who he is. He owns it. He knows he's got failings. He doesn't apologize for being himself. He holds his head up high and says "This is me. Take it or leave it. I'm living the life I want to live on my terms." He doesn't compromise himself for anyone else. How can you not admire a person who has that strong a sense of self, and likes themselves for it.

That kind of personal strength and refusal to try and be something else to please other people is something that we should all aspire to.

That's right. I said it.

Tucker Max should be an example to all of us.

So, I'm looking forward to seeing his movie.

Other people say that he needs to grow up, but I say that when I grow up, I want to be like Tucker Max . . . .

. . . . without the whole "having sex with girls" and "drinking until I puke" thing, of course. That'd be gross.

Hey you kids! Get away from there!

Paul Lynde said it best (in song no less): "What's the matter with kids today?"

Last night I was at home, sitting in my office at my computer checking Facebook and the DISboards when I hear children's voices behind me. This catches my attendtion as Scott and I have no children (except for Tolliver, and he was lying at my feet).

The voices were coming from the area between our house and the house next to ours. Our next door neighbors don't have any children either. So I figure that the kids I'm hearing are actually in the baseball field of the elementary school behind our house. The backstop is 10 feet from our back fence, and they've been having some sort of sports practice there in the evenings lately. Sometimes the way the sounds travel make them sound closer than they are. We can often hear the coach's whistle more clearly in the bathroom at the front of our house than we can on the back patio. Weird acoustics, to be sure, but I don't worry about it.

And then I hear one of the voices say "He's just looking at pictures on the internet."

Clearly they're looking in my office window at me through the small gaps in the venetian blinds.

So I turn around and pull the shade, figuring that they'd be scared and run off. That's what kids do when they're caught doing something they're not supposed be doing, right? The run off.

Nope. They wave at me and say "Hi!" Three of them. All boys. One in a bike helmet. The oldest appears to be around 7 years old.

I'm so surprised by the brazen attitude in the face of getting caught that it actually takes me a moment to find my voice and say "Hi, yourself. What's going on?"

"Nothing. We're just watching you look at the internet."

Like it's the most natural thing in the world to look into the houses of people you don't know and watch them surf the internet.

And let's think about that for a moment, shall we? The internet. What's on the internet? Who was paying attention to my blog entry yesterday? That's right. Porn. The internet is for PORN! (There's even a song about it from a Broadway musical, for crying out loud!) Thankfully, I really was checking Facebook and the DISboards, so it wasn't NEARLY as difficult a scene as it possibly could have been.

Scott hears me talking to someone and comes into my office and asks what's going on. When he finds out we've got petite peeping toms on our hands, he's LIVID! He rushes outside to confront the kids. He says "you know that looking into people's windows is rude, don't you?"

Their reply "yeah."

So Scott asks, "where are your parents?"

Now this is another time I'd expect a kid to run, or be scared, or make something up. Clearly, I have no understanding of children, because they respond "They're right over here! We'll take you to them!"

What's with these kids? At their age, I would have gotten a serious spanking for doing what they did. I certainly wouldn't be leading the upset adult to my parents! I'd have been hiding in my room, pretending to be invisible!

Two of them live in the house two doors down from us. We've met their mom in passing. The third one is a friend of theirs, and all four parents are sitting in lawn chairs inside their garage enjoying the evening (don't even get me started on the way people here sit in their garages on folding chairs. If you want a front porch, buy a house that has one! Or at least do what the house on the next block did and brick off a small area near the front door and put nice wrought iron furniture there . . . but I digress . . . )

The parents, to our relief, are appropriately upset that their kids are snooping around like that, and assure us that it won't happen again. But the kids still act like nothing is wrong; so it does make one wonder if they'll even get scolded for it.

So, as a temporary solution, I've got some black material that we used at Halloween last year draped over my window (closed blinds and all) until we can see about getting some drapes in there.

As we were putting the black fabric over the window, it occurred to us at the same time:

We've become those cranky old men who yell, "You kids get off of my lawn!"

SIGH

That happened much sooner than we expected it to.

Still. What's the matter with kids today?

The Infamous Questions

Okay, so last night I got this blog started with a rambling explanation of how I came up with the name for it. Somewhere in all of that, I probably should have mentioned that I live with the most amazing husband a guy like me could have. His name is Scott, and he is without a doubt the perfect mate for me. Pity him. Cuz he's stuck with me. We've also got a very sweet miniature dachshund named Tolliver who is the light of our life. He's a right little shit some of the time, but he's ours, and he makes us a family.

So today, I'll give you a little glimpse into my psyche (you should be running in terror at this point) by replying to the "Pivot Questionnaire" (otherwise known as "the questions they ask on Inside the Actor's Studio" )

So here goes:


What is your favorite word? "Preposterous" I just love the way it sounds. It sounds . . . well . . . it sounds preposterous!
What is your least favorite word? "Impossible" I hate that real life isn't like it is in Disney movies and comic books. I was meant to wear a cape and fly, dammit! And people really ought to burst into song more often. I do. And people look at me funny.
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Creatively: seeing a really good piece of theatre. Spiritually and emotionally: the twinkle in Scott's eyes when he smiles at me, and having Tolliver lick my face while I hold him . . . And porn. Porn turns me on, too. Thank god for the internet, cuz it's LOADED with porn.
What turns you off? Closed minds . . . . And fat people in tight or scanty clothing. I mean, I'm no petite pixie or anything, but I don't run around in spandex. I mean really! Give it a rest, Tankerbell, and put on a mu mu!
What is your favorite curse word? "Fuck" Hands down. It's my favorite. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck!
What sound or noise do you love? Scott snoring peacefully beside me in bed. Except when I can't sleep. Then it pisses me off. Close second is the sound of ice hitting a cocktail glass soon to be filled with bourbon . . . But good bourbon. None of that cheap shit.
What sound or noise do you hate? The alarm clock going off in the morning. I swear that thing is a torture device worthy of the Marquis de Sade.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I'd love to try the "millionaire playboy" thing. Or "wealthy philanthropist". Anything where I've got obscene amounts of cash would be awesome. Can someone look into hooking me up with that? Like immediately, would be great.
What profession would you not like to do? Teaching. All those snot nosed little brats, and not being able to smack them around? NO THANK YOU!
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Oh, good! You're here. I need a break. You take the keys and drive for a while." *Evil Grin* (If that thought doesn't inspire terror, I don't know what will!)

(Interesting. The spell check function doesn't flag "fuck" as a misspelling, but it doesn't like "fuckity". That amuses me.)

Okay, so those are my answers to the famous questions. Don't be shy. Let me know what yours are. The comments feature is active, take your turn! I promise not to openly mock your answers unless it would be entertaining for me to do so.

Why "An Accidental Accountant"?

Okay, here goes. New blog. First post.

What the heck is an "Accidental Accountant"? That's what you're wondering, right? How does one accidentally start checking figures and creating spreadsheets?

Heck if I know.

I never planned on becoming an accountant. I spent five great years at a university studying something really USEFUL! That's right! I have a degree in Theatre Arts! (notice that the "e" comes after the "r" in "theatre". It's more useful that way!)

Starting with my first job in high school, I worked in the hospitality industry. I was a busboy back then, but in college I moved behind the front desk, and worked as the guy who tells you that the hotel has lost your reservation. After college, I continued with the front office, then moved on to work in sales and catering, and then back to the front desk as an assistant manager (he's the one that tells you that yelling at the front desk clerk about your lost reservation isn't going to help you get a room.) During all of this, I continued to do theatre with a small non-profit company in West Texas.

And then one day, a position opened up in the accounting office at the hotel where I was working. I talked to the controller (that's the manager of accounting, he doesn't really have much control, he just likes to think he does) and I was in! Woo hoo! No more weekends! No more night shifts! And shortly thereafter, no more theatre. It's not easy running a small not-for profit theatre company in West Texas. And we forced to shut our doors. (that's the short version. The long version bores even me.)

So my "day job" became my career. I moved to Dallas. Continued working in the hospitality field in accounting jobs. Switched over to a technology company that was a vendor for hotels for a while; and then (upon meeting the love of my life) uprooted my life and moved to Central Florida where I ended up back in the hospitality field . . . behind an accountant's desk.

It's been an interesting journey. And while, it's certainly not the plan I had for my life up to this point, it's led me to a good place. So no regrets.

And now you get to hear my insane ramblings about what life is like for an "Accidental Accountant".

Aren't you lucky?

Don't answer that . . .