Cheesy Christmas Letter 2010

We sent out Christmas Cards last week, and of course, wrote our annual Christmas Letter. There won't be many surprises for those of you who've read my blog once or twice before, but for those who didn't get it, here's our annual Christmas letter:

December 2010

It’s hard to believe that another year has gone by and it’s time to write our Christmas Letter again. 2010 has been a year of ups and downs, and has left us a bit numb.

Our year began with a visit from Rob’s parents and sister, Sofia. His parents were with us for Christmas 2009, and stayed into the new year when Sofia came down to join them in a beach vacation while we watched their dog, MacGregor. We’re very happy that they spent the holidays with us last year, and Tolliver missed his play buddy when they left.

After a winter of record cold weather, March saw Scott onstage in the Moonlight Players production of The Odd Couple, which introduced us to a bunch of new friends. We soon found ourselves joining those friends in starting a comedy performance troupe called “Team Chelsea,” and have really enjoyed working with them on some projects; most notably a couple of well-received interactive murder mystery dinners. In July, Scott was featured in a local production of the musical Ragtime, and in October he performed in The Insanity of Mary Girard; while Rob returned to the stage for the first time in 15 years in a production of Shakespeare’s MacBeth. We’re really enjoying all the time we’re spending doing theatre; and are looking forward to more of the same next year. In fact we’re already in rehearsals . . .

In July, Rob’s mom and sister returned for a visit and a trip to Universal Orlando’s new “Wizarding World of Harry Potter”. We had a great time with them, and are very happy that they were able to make the trip out to see us. We managed to make it to Afternoon Tea at the Grand Floridian with them, which has always been a favorite activity when they’ve been in town.

In August, our friend Cat moved in with us, and will be our roommate for a little while. It’s been great fun having her and her dog, Wolfie living with us.

Sadly, on November 3rd, we suffered a devastating loss. We lost Rob’s mom to a heart attack while she and Rob’s dad were vacationing in Mexico. We flew to Lubbock to be with Rob’s family for the memorial service and to spend some time together. It’s been a very rough time for all of us. She will be missed every day, and remembered with love and laughter.

After a spending Thanksgiving with our “Florida Family”, as has become our tradition; we’re looking forward to a quiet and low-key Christmas and New-Year holiday.

Here’s hoping that this letter finds you well, and that 2011 will be a good year for all of us.

We send you warm wishes for Happy Holidays!

Love,



Rob, Scott and Tolliver

Sorry-Grateful

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Reflecting on the people in my life, and what my life means in the grand scheme of things.


While the loss of my Mom is still weighing very heavily on me right now, I've been reflecting that beyond that sorrow, I have a lot to be thankful for.


I know it's not terribly original this time of year, but this blog post is about those things for which I'm grateful.


Firstly, I'm thankful for Scott. My better half, my partner in crime, my husband, my best friend. Words can't describe how Scott has saved me. He made my life complete, and he filled a gap in my soul. He takes care of me, and he lets me take care of him. He is the love of my life, and he makes me happy. There isn't any situation that can't be improved with his smile, his touch, his laugh. I can't imagine my life without him.


Next, I'm thankful for my Mom. You had to know this was coming. I miss her so much that it hurts, but every second of that grief is tempered with the knowledge that I was very lucky to have her in my life. I'm thankful that the only regrets are that I don't have more time with her. We enjoyed every minute we had together, and she knows that I love her. Nothing but happy memories.


And I'm thankful for the rest of my amazing family. My Dad is the one that I measure all other men against. He's strong, smart, caring, and funny. There are few people from whom I've learned as much, and fewer still that I respect as much. My brother, Dennis, and sister, Sofia, are individually two of the most remarkable people I know, for completely different reasons. I am in awe of them. My cousin and her daughter are a bright ray of light, and I love being Daya's Uncle Rob, as much as I imagine Dana's dad enjoyed being my Uncle Robert.


And my friends. Wow, am I a lucky guy. I've got amazing friends in so many places. The support from so many different directions over the last few weeks has been overwhelming. It's been said that friends are the family we choose. Apparently I've got REALLY GOOD taste, because the friends I've chosen are a dizzying array of incredible people. That they all care for me as much as they've shown lately, humbles me no end. I'm very lucky indeed for all of my friends, and I love them all dearly.

I'm thankful for Tolliver. Pets provide us with some unnameable thing that makes life more fun when times are good, and more bearable when times are hard. Smart, sweet, obstinate, vindictive little Tolliver never fails to make me smile. He makes us into a family. I love him to pieces.

I'm thankful for my job. They way things have been going lately, this is a day to day thing. So many co-workers are out of work now, and we all fear that we'll be the next one to go. Still, I'm thankful to have it for as long as it lasts. It's been a good run, and I look forward to new challenges; either under new ownership or in other sandboxes.

While thankful that I have an occupation, I'm more thankful that I've returned to my avocation. This year I returned to doing theatre. I missed it more than I realized, and I'm thankful beyond words for my friends at Moonlight Players and my family members in Team Chelsea for helping me remember how much I need this, and how good I feel about myself when I do.

And of course, there's so much more. I've never had to worry about food, shelter, or clothing. The basics of survival that so many struggle to maintain, we're lucky enough to have in enough quantity that we really don't lack. I know that this can change at any time, so I'm grateful for it while we've got it.

I'm a very lucky man, with a very good life. A happy life. It sounds so trite and sappy to say it, but wow, there it is. "Happy". What more could anyone really ask for?

So, while I'm sorry that Mom isn't with us anymore, and I grieve for the happiness I won't be able to share with her from here on; I'm grateful that she got to see me happy. She got to witness the amazing thing that is my life with all that I've described above.

Those are my reflections for today.

Thank you all for sparing a moment to read my ramlings.

Happy Thanksgiving.

What in the GAY HELL . . . er . . . . Afterlife?!?!?!?

Okay, there are lots of gay stereotypes out there. Some are based in fact more than others.

The one that always makes me chuckle, however, is "Gays have excellent taste."

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Yeah . . . but no.

Frankly, there are some seriously tacky queens out there. We practically invented "camp" and "kitsch" for crissake! Which is fine. To each his own. I don't judge . . .Much . . . Outloud . . . To their face . . .

Every now and then, however, along comes a couple of queens who up the "oh, god, you've got to be shitting me" quotient to new heights of tack-o-rama.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is one of those times. Introducing the newest product that all the queers will be dying to get into . . . at least that's what the creators are hoping:

Gay Coffins.

Seriously. Two guys in Germany have created gay-themed caskets and urns. They're covered with pictures of scantily clad men.

Really? REALLY?

Apparently there are "rainbow" caskets and urns available too.

Yeah, because THAT wouldn't be tacky.

Some days, I wonder why I bothered to come out of the casket . . . er . . . . closet.

Puppy Size

This was the last email Mom sent me before she passed away. It's one of her favorites.

I know that I have sent this before, but this story just touches my heart so much. Having you in my life makes me sigh, so thought I'd share it again.

-Dorothy Or Mom as the case may be.

Puppy Size

This is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You will know precisely what this little girl is talking about at the end (you'll want to share this one with your loved ones and special friends)!

'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this,' the mother told the volunteer.

'What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked.

'Puppy size!' replied the mother.

'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.'

'I know..... we have seen most of them, ' the mom said in frustration... Just then Danielle came walking into the office 'Well, did you find one?' asked her mom.

'No, not this time,' Danielle said with sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the weekend?'

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed 'You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply,' the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. 'Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend,' she said.Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. 'It's this weekend or we're not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration. 'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning . By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, 'Sorry, but
you're not the one.' It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer. 'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!' She screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'

'But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,' Mom said.

'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,' she said. 'Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!'

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.

'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh.

I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said. Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'

Scott and I got home from Lubbock late on Saturday night. It was a long week, but it was good to be with my Dad, Dennis, Sofia, Dana, and all of the rest of the family. Sorrow shared is sorrow halved, after all.

The tears finally caught up to me on Friday night, and I fell apart while looking through some of my things that Mom had stashed away. And I've been crying off and on since then. This is going to take some time to get used to. Considering that I still get emotional thinking about missing my Grandma, and she's been gone for 23 years, I don't really expect that it's ever going to go away completely.

So, yesterday I returned to work, found out we'd had another round of lay-offs while I was gone. Oh, joy! And of course everybody wanted to come in and give me a hug and ask how I was doing and say "I'm so sorry." I appreciate it. I really do. But it just kept dredging it all back up to the surface of my thoughts. Needless to say, it was a rough day. Just another in a long line of many rough days. They're starting to get old.

While I was at work, Scott picked up Tolliver from the vet, where we had boarded him while we were away. They're closed on Sundays, so we couldn't pick him up before yesterday. I'd really missed him while in Lubbock. Watching Dad's Westie play with Sofia's two Cocker Spaniels made me homesick for my little doxie.

So last night, I got home from work, and Scott headed off to rehearsal, and I got to have some Tolliver time. We played and then he got a treat while I ate dinner and watched TV. Then when dinner was over, I crawled down onto the floor to play with him some more; but he didn't seem interested in fetching a toy. He crawled into my lap, settled himself down, and heaved a big sigh.

Somewhere, Mom smiled at the puppy sighs in my lap. I am loved. I'll be okay. And sometimes the best company when you're sad is your dog.

Things I learned from my mother . . .

My Mom's memorial service was this morning. After a hellish week, we finally had an opportunity to say goodbye. But I couldn't. I didn't cry. I wasn't able to. The speakers were very moving, and I'm happy to know that my Mom touched so many people in so many wonderful ways. I got a little teary-eyed at times, but no more than I would have if I'd been sitting next to my mother at a party in her honor and held her hand while people said nice things about her.

But I sat there feeling a bit detached. I was very worried about my Dad, and my brother and sister. And Scott. I'm not sure if it just isn't real to me yet, or if this is all too much to process, so my mind shut down the emotions so I could get through it. Scott cried more than I did. Which isn't surprising. He loves her as much as she loved him, which is to say, quite a lot.

Whatever, I couldn't cry. It'll come in time. I know that.

In the meantime, as a bit of a tribute, I'm going to share some of the things that I learned from her.

So here it is: The Things I learned from My Mother . . .

"Eat something, Baby, it'll make you feel better"

Don't feel good? Drink some water . . . or have some protein . . . or try and have a bowel movement.

Read. Reading is fun.

Nothing is as important as family.

It's okay to cry. Tears lubricate the soul.

"The more you cry, the less you have to pee"

Sometimes the only appropriate response to a situation is "Well, SHIT!"

Love shared, is love multiplied.

Sorrow shared, is sorrow divided.

Don't worry about what other people think. Be yourself and do what makes you happy.

Don't regret the mistakes and pains of your past; they helped to bring you to where you are now, and who you are now. Sometimes we have to go through the shitty stuff to make it to the happily ever after.

Never miss the opportunity to try new foods. You might find a new favorite. If not, you'll at least get a good story to tell later.

See as much of the world, and learn about how other people live as you can.

Throw the words "in-law" out of your vocabulary. They're not needed. Family is family, and we're happy when it grows.

Never miss the chance to smile, laugh, and enjoy time with the ones you love. Embrace the moments you have with each other and cherish the memories forever.

Say "I love you" to each other frequently. End every conversation with it, that way you know that when the "last time" comes, you've said it, and they know it in their hearts. There are fewer regrets later that way.

The end of the world as we know it

Today, begins a new and frightening time.

Today begins my life after Mom.

My Mom died suddenly of a heart attack while on vacation at my Uncle's Condo in Mexico yesterday morning. At 12:20pm my world changed forever, as my Dad's voice broke when I answered the phone and he let me know that nothing would ever be the same again.

I freely admit I'm a Mama's Boy. My Mom is . . . . was . . . . one of my best friends. There are very few things that I didn't discuss with her. And good or bad, when something happened in my life, I called my Mom to talk about it.

Nothing. Not one thing prepared me to face the worst day of my life . . . and not be able to call my Mom to talk about it.

She'd been in Mexico for a month. I'd only had a couple brief conversations with her while she called to check in on her phone using international roaming. I was saving up a month's worth of discussion to share with her when she got home.

I never get to have that conversation with her. Or any of the multitudes of conversations that I will want and need to have with her in the future. My only small comfort is knowing that my last words to her were "I love you" and that I heard "I love you, too" back.

I do not know how to live in a world where my Mom isn't in it.

Which isn't to say that I'm not close to my Dad. Far from it. He's the best Dad in the whole world, and it tears me up inside thinking that he had do deal with all of this alone so far from home.

Scott and I just finished making arrangements to fly to Lubbock, so we'll be there when Dad gets home with Mom's ashes. There are lots of things to do, and I'm sure lots of people to see. The one I want to see most won't be there, though. And she never will be again.

Yesterday, I grew up. Yesterday morning, I had a mommy. Yesterday afternoon, I was calling family and friends and letting them know that she was taken from us far too soon. For the first time in my life, I was the one who was making the phone calls. My Mom and Uncle Robert used to make macabre jokes about "the family death knell", because there was always one person who called and told the family when someone had died. Yesterday that became me and my sister. Yesterday my childhood ended.

Today was the first day without my mom. And what will follow is the awful year of firsts. The first Thanksgiving without my Mom, the first Christmas, the first New Year, the first Birthday, the first time that we don't celebrate HER birthday, and lastly, the first anniversary of her death.

I loved my Mom more than I can express. And I have nothing but happy memories, that will comfort me for years to come. I am very thankful to have had her in my life, and I am thankful that she knows I loved her, and that I have no doubt that she loved me and my partner as if he were her own son.

I love my Dad and my siblings as much as I loved my Mom; and I am grateful to still have them. They are such amazing people, and we will depend on each other more now and in the next year than we ever have before. And we've been through some serious shit before. We're there for each other, we always are. We love each other, and we know it. My mom made sure that we tell each other all the time, so we don't ever have to worry about the "I should have said it more" regret.

There will be good times too. And I have dealt with enough loss before to know that life goes on, and that she wouldn't want us to dwell on her passing, but on the wonderful happy life she had and that she made for us. The pain of this loss will never go away, but in time it will become a part of daily life, so that it won't be as debilitating as it is today. I know this, but right now that doesn't help.

There's only one thing that will help.

There's only one thing I want.




I want my Mommy

15 years and 1500 miles . . .

I'm tired. Really tired. I'm trying not to get a cold/flu sort of thing. And I've been dealing with some ongoing dental issues, too. Just sort of "blah".

But I FEEL GREAT!

It's been years, and years since I did any theatre at all. Almost 15 years, actually. Not since the Phoenix Theatre closed it's doors in Lubbock, Texas back in the mid-nineties. Ah, the Phoenix. What fun we had! I loved working with that group of people in that old dry-cleaner's building! (and later in the strip-mall storefront). And on top of having loads of fun, we routinely turned out some really REALLY good shows.

And before that, it was the American Southwest Theatre Company and Opportunities for Creative Theatre Students, both based at New Mexico State University. Wow. Lots of fond memories of doing great (and sometimes not so great) theatre with really fun, talented people.

After the Phoenix closed, I moved to Dallas and got a job working Monday through Friday, eight to five. And I discovered that I REALLY liked having my evenings and weekends free. I looked into working with a couple of the theatre groups in Dallas, but they really didn't seem interested in what I had to offer at the time. So I just put the idea aside, and kept on enjoying those nights and weekends, and sometimes I enjoyed them by seeing theatre.

And then of course, in 2003 I met Scott, and by 2004 we were living in Central Florida. After a couple years, Scott auditioned for some local shows, and got cast. So I started to go see him perform and got to meet some of the people he was working with.

Recently, Scott introduced me to a group of people that has that same feeling that we had at the Phoenix. Sort of a family, sort of an eclectic cocktail party, sort of a learning experience; all kinds of fun. I kind of jumped in with both feet. I'll be returning to the stage this week with a couple small roles in Shakespeare's MacBeth with the Moonlight Players. My first time performing Shakespeare, by the way. And once MacBeth opens, I'll be stage-managing a production of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (in which Scott is playing the lead!) which opens in January, and it looks like I'll be assistant directing All the Great Books . . . Abridged next summer.

In the meantime, some of the awesome people we've met at Moonlight have started an Improv/Sketch Comedy troupe called Team Chelsea, and we'll be doing a murder mystery dinner at a local pub in November, and are submitting an application to do an original show which I'll direct at the Orlando International Theatre Fringe Festival in May.

No wonder I'm tired!

So there it is. 15 years and 1500 miles later . . . it feels like I've found my way home.

The Recent Teen Suicides . . . and October 1, 1988

October First, 1988.

That was the day . . . the night, actually . . . that I didn't kill myself.

That was the night, however, that I tried.

I was a mess. I was a fucked-up not wanting to be gay, trying to come to terms with who I was mess. I was twenty years old.

The recent spate of well publicized suicides by gay teens has definitely stirred up a lot of emotional "stuff" for me recently.

Here's the thing. Suicides by gay teens are not "on the rise". They're just recently being publicized. Young gay and lesbian people kill themselves in numbers far, far greater than any of us can imagine.

Unlike the young people whose suicides have been in the news of late, I wasn't bullied. Not in the traditional sense. I had (and still do have) one of the most amazing, loving, and accepting families that there is, and I had a supportive group of friends who wouldn't have given a second thought to me being gay. But I was suffering at the hands of a society that hadn't prepared me to be a functional adult gay man; and I was suffering at the hands of the most brutal bully there is: myself.

I had convinced myself that I was a freak. That no one would ever want me. That I would be better off dead. I'm not going to lie, there was a considerable amount of rum involved in some of those thoughts that night; but alcohol wasn't the problem. The problem was that society sends a message to gay kids that they're not as good. That they'll never be happy. That they should hide who they really are, lest they be shunned by everyone that's important in their lives. And the message even got to kids like me, kids with awesome, loving, and accepting families; kids with positive gay role models; kids with friends who wouldn't care, but would stand by us no matter what.

We're taught from a very young age that boy meets girl, boy dates girl, boy kisses girl, boy and girl have sex, girl gets pregnant, boy and girl get married. That's the way it works. (okay, so sometimes there are slight variations on the theme, and they don't get pregnant first). But the normal dating pattern is taught to us via school dances, and social gatherings. 1. You meet. 2. You get to know each other. 3. You fall in love. 4. You have sex.

What happens to gay kids when they start to venture out of the closet, is that they go to the places that they've heard about. You know. The places where "the fags" hang out. The parks, or bookstores, or gay bars. They're scared shitless that someone they know might see them, and they're so full of hormones that their impulses get the better of them, and they do things they regret. And the pattern is all wrong. 1. You have sex. 2. You meet. 3. You run home and hope that the shower will wash away the shame and regret. It's fucked up. And gay guys can take years before they get past this stage and move on and become functional adult gay men capable of a healthy relationship with another man. And some never do, preferring to stay in the closet and venture out to those skeevy places for furtive encounters, all while hoping that no one finds out and exposes them.

So why? Why do gay guys do that? Why don't they follow the pattern? Why don't they learn to date in school, or at church socials like their straight counterparts do? Because our society won't let them. Our society tells them that being gay is a bad thing. It tells us that gays don't form lasting, loving, relationships. It tells us that exposure to gays harms children. To be fair, the message isn't that blatant (well sometimes it is, right wing religious fanatics abound). We're told that because gays can't serve in the military; because they can't marry or adopt; because it's legal to discriminate against them in housing or employment; because crime based on sexual preference isn't classified as severely as crime based on race, religion, or gender.

The message to our young gay people is very, very clear. You're not good enough, you're never going to be good enough, and you're never going to be happy.

Is it any wonder then, that some of us, after another sleazy hookup at a filthy adult bookstore drink a bottle of rum, and sit in a corner with a razor blade to our wrist? That we're pissed as hell when our brother comes home, and finds us? That he tells our parents?

And what about the message to straight kids? The message they hear is that being gay is an awful thing, but that persecuting gays isn't so bad. After all, it's not as bad as persecuting someone because of their race, or their religion. If it were, they'd be protected equally under the law. So those who are prone to bullying, find the targets that our society points them toward. That's not surprising, either, is it?

They tell me that it's a lot easier to grow up gay now, than it was for me. That kids are out of the closet and dating in high school in some places. And I applaud those kids. I applaud them for demanding the chance to learn the pattern the right way, and with whom they are meant to learn it. They've begun to overcome the messages our society sends.

Now we have to make sure that our society stops sending those messages.

Yes, bullying, is a terrible thing, but it's only a symptom. The messages have to change. And the only way to do that is to remove the second class citizen status of millions of Americans.

We have to ensure full equality for all Americans. We must demand it, and we must demand it now. It's time to call for the end to housing and employment discrimination. It's time for crimes against gays and lesbians to be federal hate crimes. It's time for all Americans to have the right to civil marriage to the person they love. It's time for gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. It's time for gays and lesbians to raise families of their own.

It's as simple as that. Full Equality for All Americans, NOW! Nothing more than what we're promised in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States.

By the way, that college kid sitting in the corner with the razor blade? Well, he's since forgiven his brother for finding him "too soon". Thanked him for it, even. He's gone on to become a productive, if second class, citizen who pays his bills, and his taxes, and votes, and loves his country. He's gone on to fall in love with the most amazing man named Scott, and they're living their dream of "Happily Ever After" with a sweet dachshund named Tolliver and the most amazing family and friends that anyone has ever imagined. That kid grew up, and has no regrets. He wouldn't trade his life with anyone else's. It gets better. It really does.

Books, Number One

Number One: Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

This is it. And while I said that the rankings on this "Top Ten" varies with my mood, this one is always on the top of the list. It is without a doubt the best book I've ever read, and my absolute favorite. While I learned valuable life lessons from Herbert's Dune, Stranger in a Strange Land changed the way I think; about life, about religion, about politics, about human nature, about everything. Perhaps it's because I was introduced to Heinlein as I began college and was young and idealistic, and this book appealed to my broadening horizons, but I think that in addition to that, this book really does encourage acceptance of other points of view. The story of Michael Valentine Smith, the Man from Mars, as he learns what it is to be a human, is an amazing and ultimately emotionally gut wrenching tale. Beautifully crafted and engaging, this one is another that I think should be required reading for high schoolers everywhere. Most importantly, however, this is the book that introduced me to Heinlein's work. I freely admit to being an avid Heinlein fan, having read all of his published fiction and several of his essays. I could easily have done a list of "Top Ten Heinlein" novels and had a difficult time narrowing it down to just ten titles. The man was a genius and undisputed Grand Master of Science Fiction.


This book is both of it's time (it was published in 1961) and decades ahead of it's time. Hell, it this book had been written today, it would STILL be decades ahead of it's time. Truly a magnificent piece of literature.


So there it is. My top ten list (plus some close runners up), culminating in the best book I've ever read.


What do you think? How does it measure up to your top ten list? What books to we have in common? What books did I exclude that you'd have listed instead?

Books, the Runners Up

Before we get to the number one book on my list, I'm going to tease you a little bit. As is the case with any "top ten" list, there were some really good books that didn't make it onto the list, but are still worthy of mention, and definitely worth your time to read . . .


Here then, are the "Honorable Mention" books. In no particular order . . .


The God Game by Andrew Greeley



A Catholic priest is playing an "interactive fiction" computer game when lightning strikes and suddenly his "game" is real and he's controlling the lives of people in a parallel world. It's not quite as silly as it sounds. Great examination of modern religious themes while still being a really fun read.











Wicked by Gregory Maguire

The story of the Wicked Witch of the West prior to Dorothy's arrival. This book, the basis for the hit Broadway musical and the upcoming film, is a fantastic examination of what is viewed as "good" and "bad" in our society. The pretty yet vain and selfish girl is lauded because she conforms, while the unusual looking girl who champions the cause of the underdog is labeled "wicked" because she is different, and refuses to to be quiet. Brilliant book (if a bit slow in the beginning) with wonderful characters and enough twists on the familiar plot to make it interesting.






The Spellsinger Series by Alan Dean Foster



Jon Thomas is high one night when he accidentally answers the summons of a turtle wizard from an alternate dimension. In a world predominantly populated by talking animals "JonTom" discovers that he can make magic by playing music. At home he'd be called a "slacker", but now he's a hero. Fun series of books following JonTom's adventures with his sidekick, Mudge the otter. Kind of a "fluff" read, but lots of laughs, and a few tugs at the heartstrings along the way.






The Incarnations of Immortality Series by Piers Anthony

Another great series of books that I started reading while in college. Essentially, the immortal incarnations of Death, Time, Fate, War, Nature, Good, and Evil are not godlike beings, but humans who have taken office for a period of time. With each post comes unique tools and responsibilities. What appears early on to be a set of stand-alone stories about individual "office holders" turns out to be one big story tying them all together. It's beautifully done, and the ending is as satisfying as the rest of the series is thought provoking.

The Charm School by Nelson DeMille

One of the last great "Cold War" novels. This is a very intense, action packed story about a couple of Americans who discover that the KGB has kept American P.O.W.s captive for years and is using them to train Soviet spies to infiltrate the United States. The "Charm School" in the title refers to the mock Midwestern town that the soviets have built as the location for this training. So many unexpected twists and turns in this story kept me on the edge of my seat all the way through.















Okay, that does it for the "also rans". I'll be back tomorrow to tell you about my favorite book.

Books, Number Two

Getting down to the wire . . . I think this one will surprise some people.

Number Two: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling


I'm guessing that there are several of my friends who expected the book representing the Harry Potter series to be listed in first place. It was tough choosing just one book in Rowling's magnificent Harry Potter saga, but ultimately I chose the final installment because it brings the series to such a satisfactory conclusion. This one was a tough read because I was so torn between wanting to find out what happens next and not wanting to finish the series and be forced to leave Harry's world and return to the world of the muggles. This imaginative, vivid, and exciting adventure has brought me hours and hours of joy, and I have no doubt it will be hailed as a classic for decades to come. I pity any adults that have dismissed this series as "children's books" because J.K. Rowling has spun a very sophisticated tale that appeals as much to adults as it does to children.

Honestly, this one isn't the number one book on my list, because I simply can't single out one book in the series that is better than the others. It's one beautiful epic. Plus no single book in this series affected me in the way that the number one book does. Not that these books, with their message that the magic of love and friendship are powerful enough to defeat the evils of prejudice and greed don't affect me deeply. They do; just not as much as the last book on my list.

Not including my mom (who already knows) any guesses as to what the last book on the list is?

Books, Number Three

Now it's getting serious.

Number Three: Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
It should be no surprise that after I praised another book as being the "Gay Gone With the Wind" that the actual GWTW would be on this list as well. I'd argue that this is THE great American novel, and that Scarlett O'Hara is a tragic heroine worthy of Shakespeare. I honestly have nothing bad to say about this book. I saw the movie version, first and then picked up the book in college when I wanted something to read for fun. I'd loved the movie, but the book is . . . well, it's Gone With the Wind. That pretty much says it all.

Books, Number Four

Birthday celebrations are over, so we're back with


Number Four: Dune by Frank Herbert


Dune. What else needs to be said? This (and all the subsequent Dune novels) stands as one of the great monuments of Science Fiction storytelling. It's deep, it's complex, the characters are conflicted, passionate, and emotionally engaging. Yes, the terminology is quite esoteric, and you have to pick up some of the jargon as you go, but it's worth it, as Herbert was a master storyteller. I picked up SO many life lessons in this series. (Fear is the mind killer . . . ) The use of "spice" as the symbol for "oil" in our own society is obvious, yet the reader never feels like he's being preached to; or like the "message" is more important than the story itself. I am also a fan of the other Dune books, both written by Frank Herbert and those written after his death by his son Brian Herbert with Kevin J. Anderson using Frank Herbert's notes. Overall, they're great stories, with great characters, with universal themes. That's what makes the Dune novels classics as well as a damn good read.

Two 21 Year Olds . . .

We interrupt this top ten books list for a bit of reflection. We'll get back to the book list shortly, so the two of you who are anxiously awaiting the last four books will be able to read my inane ramblings soon.

So today is my birthday. Today, I'm officially old enough to purchase and consume alcohol. TWICE OVER! That's right, I'm the equivalent of two 21 year olds.

And yes, my "dirty old man joke" all day has been "If you're only as old as you feel, I'm going to go feel two 21 year olds!" I didn't actually get to fondle any young hotties, today. Too much other stuff to do. But when we make it back to Parliament House, I'll tip the dancing boys, and reflect that one guy in his forties is probably better than two twinks, anyway. And Scott . . . well Scott is worth more than all of them put together; I'm a very lucky guy.

Back in September of last year, I blogged about how Facebook scares me sometimes. Today, my observation on Facebook is completely different.

Today, Facebook rocks!

I know it's really easy to click on the birthdays list and fire off a quick "Hey, have a great one" message; but I really wasn't prepared for the birthday messages from well over a hundred people.

I send birthday messages all the time. Like I said, it's easy. But being on the receiving end, is a bit overwhelming. In the best way. Even if it was for the briefest moment of their day, all of those people stopped and thought about me, and took a bit of time to say "hi, hope you're doing well". It makes up for all the maddening things about Facebook (like farmville, and fishytown, etc). It reminds us that in the end, it's about keeping in touch with the people who are in our lives, however briefly, however trivially, however near, however long term, however importantly, however far away. They're right there.

No, it's not any less scary than it was last September when worlds collided, but today, the cool part of it shines through.

And it got me thinking about the really amazing people I've been lucky enough to have in my life. Not just my wonderful family, and my perfect partner; but people that I've know from grade school, up to people that I work with now. I've been truly blessed with some remarkable people in my life. And they mean the world to me, even if we don't keep in touch as much as we'd like.

If I've amassed such a remarkable group of friends in the first 42 years of my life, I can't wait to see what it's like when I'm another 21 year old along . . .

Books, Number Five

Rolling right along with the Top Ten. From here on out, I'm only going to do one book per post, so the blog titles jump from "Part Three" to "Number Five". I'm trusting you to all make the leap, and not let this confuse you. Please don't disappoint me by asking, "where's four?". LOL

Number Five: First Among Equals by Jeffery Archer

I'm a big fan of Jeffery Archer's novels, and re-read several of them from time to time. Of all of his novels, this one about three men (or four men, depending on which version you've got your hands on) with ambitions to be Prime Minister of Great Britain is my favorite. I love the inside look at British politics (Archer was himself a Member of Parliament) and the main characters are very well drawn, leading to some fantastic plot twists. As good as Archer's other works (such as As the Crow Flies, The Prodigal Daughter, or A Matter of Honor) are, this one is just slightly a cut above them, so it lands on this list. The original version of this book, published in the U.K. with four men from three political parties vying for Prime Minister; was edited for American audiences; released as the "American Version" and has only three main characters, and two political parties. I've read both, and for the life of me can't decide which version I like better. Either way, it's one of my favorites, and I've read both versions over and over again.

Books, Part Three

Rob's Top Ten Books continues with

Number Seven: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
I picked this one up immediately after reading and loving The DaVinci Code, and thought this one was SO much better. One of the more recent on my list, I've still read it multiple times. It evokes it's locale beautifully and makes me want to return to Rome. Meticulously researched, with a fast moving plot, this one is really hard to put down. I really loved the back story on the Catholic Church and how they had suppressed knowledge over the centuries to maintain power, but honestly the gripping story is the best thing about this one.

Number Six: Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin
I'd almost put the entire Tales of the City series on this list, including his latest Michael Tolliver Lives; but I promised to list only one book per author, so I'll list this gateway into the wonderful world of 28 Barbary Lane. This series is very character driven, and the characters are amazing. I'd argue that the character of Michael Tolliver is among the best characters in the world of gay literature, and his journey through the seven books is moving, amusing, and life affirming. Our much-loved and very spoiled dachshund, Tolliver, is named after him.

Well, that's the first five down. Any guesses as to which books will show up listed among the other five?

Books, Part Two

Continuing with the Top Ten Books list, two books that start in the Jazz Age:


Number Nine: Auntie Mame, an Irreverent Escapade by Patrick Dennis

The book that is credited with introducing "camp" to the mainstream. This collection of anecdotes about growing up with an eccentric aunt is as heartwarming as it is funny--and it's VERY funny. The basis of two stage shows and two movies (one musical and one non-musical of each medium), it also spawned a sequel entitled Around the World with Auntie Mame, which is also a favorite. This book should be required reading for schoolchildren everywhere as a primer on "be who you are, not who others tell you that you should". I can't sing the praises of Madcap Mame enough. She's the crazy aunt that everyone wishes they'd had; but even more, the wise inner child each of us harbors, and should let out to play more often. Inevitably, re-reading this book leads to a re-viewing of Auntie Mame on DVD starring the incomparable Rosalind Russel, but the discussion of that wonderful movie is fodder for another blog post entirely.

Number Eight: The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Ah, the jazz age classic of intrigues, forbidden loves, and the mysterious title character as viewed by an "objective" outsider in the form of Nick Carraway (who narrates). I read this book on the recommen-dation of my High School English teacher when I couldn't decide on a "classic" to read for a book report. He thought I'd like it, and he was right. It's a classic for a reason. It's very well crafted and engaging. And it always makes me crave a mint julep in a silver cup. The unexpected plot twists, and convergence of story lines, Gatsby's longing, and the ending where no one seems to be happy, or even capable of happiness, is all so tragically beautiful.

More from the top ten list soon . . .

Books, Part One

One of my facebook friends re-circulated that "Books you should read before you die" list my way again recently. I'd seen it before, and frankly, it annoys me. Why should I bother checking boxes next to book titles that someone else says I should read? How do my friends get to know anything about me from that? Or, perhaps more importantly, how do they get any idea of what books I actually liked? I'm sure that the person or people who compiled that list meant well, but that list for for them; not for me. So, as I attempt to start blogging more consistantly again I'm going to give you the run down of my Top 10 books of all time. They're not listed in any particular order. And in order to keep specific authors from monopolizing the list, I also limited myself to one book per author, and tried to choose the work that most represents what I love about his or her work. I also tried to only list the books that are comfortable old friends. The books that I come back to and re-read only to discover new and exciting things each time I pick them up. I've read all of these books many times, and I recommend them all highly to anyone who will stand still long enough for me to gush about them. Consider yourself warned. If you ask me about any of these books in person, get comfortable and get ready for me to talk your ear off.


So here's the first one; and since this is a "Top 10" we'll observe the convention and number from ten backwards. Even though the "ranking" varies with my mood, the season, or the direction of the wind.


Number Ten: Like People in History by Felice Picano

I (and many others) have frequently described this book as the "Gay Gone with the Wind". It tracks the life of it's protagonist (Roger) through several decades, cities, friends, and lovers. It's beautiful, it's poetic, and it makes me cry every time I read it. Just as Gone With the Wind covers the changing times in the South during and after the Civil War through the viewpoint of one person, Like People in History does the same thing with the gay rights movement and AIDS epidemic. It manages to be very personal, yet kind of epic in scope all at the same time.

The rest of the list will follow soon . . .

Don't Cry for Me, Argentina . . .

. . . . actually . . . go ahead. Weep away. Cry that a country whose founding fathers "hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal" over two hundred and thirty years ago still doesn't offer full equality to it's gay and lesbian citizens while you, Argentina, which was under the sway of various dictators only decades ago has granted marriage equality to all citizens. Quite the turn around there.

It's definitely a thought worth shedding some tears over.

You remember when we thought of ourselves as the country that was leading the world in progress socially, economically, technologically, and democratically? It wasn't really that long ago, was it?

How in the heck did we find ourselves behind the curve on ALL fronts? And how do we make things better?

My mind wanders to a bumper sticker I saw on a truck this morning. It said "If you don't like America, then GET OUT!" I spent the drive thinking about that sentiment. That's our problem. We've become a country of people who can't agree to disagree anymore. We've become a country of people who think that "my way" is the only way to be. When in the hell did the "Great American Melting Pot" become so sharply divided into its ingredients?

That kind of thinking will be the death of our great nation. No, I don't like everything about our country, but I understand that it's my duty as a citizen to voice my dissent on issues. It's my duty to elect the people who's ideas most match mine so that they can enact change, so that our great nation can evolve and grow. It's not my place to "get out" when I'm dissatisfied.

That truck had other bumper stickers as well. Some real classics: "I own a gun and I vote"; "McCain/Palin"; and "True American Patriot".

Here's my question: (aside from wondering if this person is planning on taking his gun to shoot at the voting machine, of course) wouldn't a real patriot welcome open discussion of controversial issues with a person of opposing views? Isn't that what we DO? Isn't that what "makes America great"? That's what I was taught.

Oh, and for the record. I'm a gay liberal who wants desperately to marry his husband. But I also own a gun, and vote.

Maybe I'm reading too much into bumper stickers on a truck, but it seems to me things like that are in indicator of major issues that we have to overcome in our great country. We have to learn to disagree with each other peacefully again, or we're doomed. Progress comes out of dissent; not from wearing blinders and refusing to see the other perspective.

In the meantime, I'm going to go listen to the original cast album of "Evita" and raise a glass to the good people of Argentina. They have made true progress toward full equality, and I envy them.

Shuttle Launch Photos

Okay, the last two posts have been all about seeing the shuttle launch last Friday. This post is all about the pictures. There are a few pics of the crowd waiting for the launch, one picture of the alligator in the spillway near our viewing location that caused a bit of a commotion and first, and then kept the kids in the area busy as they watched him; and a bunch of pix of the launch that Scott took. Enjoy!

The Good and the Bad

So in my last blog post, I talked about crossing "Watch a shuttle launch from close enough to see the vehicle" off my bucket list.

Over 300,000 people were in the area just to watch that launch of Friday. It was very crowded, and all the hotels and restaurants in the area were jam packed; and as is the case whenever large groups of humanity is crammed into a small area, it brings out the very best . . . and the very worst in human nature.

First off, let's talk about the good. I want to tell you about an older gentleman and his wife that had a profound impact on us. They were our hosts Friday for the shuttle launch. She is a cancer survivor, and he worked at Kennedy/Canaveral for over 48 years. They've got a house right on the waterfront and have a view of the launchpads. A few years ago, they got upset at all the businesses and private individuals who would charge tourists $10 or $20 to park their cars to watch the shuttle launch and then not even let those people use their bathrooms. Their solution? Let people park in their backyard and view the launches for free AND let them use the bathroom if they needed to. They just wanted to help people. To their dismay, people just would not let them offer free parking. They insisted on paying them something. So they decided that if people were going to pay, they'd give the money to charity, and picked a charity that meant something to them.

Technically, parking WAS free. They simply asked for a donation to the American Cancer Society for Breast Cancer research. Whatever we felt like giving. We asked what the usual donation was and they said $20. We gave them $80. (My mom is a breast cancer survivor and Scott lost his dad to Lung Cancer, we're big supporters of cancer research). On top of letting people park and view the shuttle launch, they also let people use their bathrooms, provided cookies, coffee, lemonade, iced tea (sweet and unsweet) and were the NICEST people. We looked at their yard and thought they could probably fit 20 cars in. We were reservation #55! All told, they crammed over 80 cars (including a few vans, big trucks, and one RV) onto their property. Toward the end people were parked all over their front yard and everything. They were loving it! I hope they raised a LOT of cash for the American Cancer Society (I know they did, they bragged that the last two years she's been the highest fund raiser in the county.) Thank goodness we went the night before and scouted for a place to watch, or we'd never have gotten a place with them, and I'd much rather have spent our money helping them raise funds than just give it to someone who was looking to profit off of the tourists. They really put an even more positive spin on what was already a wonderful experience. They're amazing, and I wish them nothing but the best.

Here are a couple pictures:

Then, of course, there was the bad. Thankfully, as the viewing area got full, the crowd was for the most part very friendly. As one of three obviously gay couples there, Scott and I did feel like some of the people around us were (very loudly) voicing their opinions on political issues that had nothing to do with the shuttle launch strictly for our benefit. At one point, I was afraid a "Tea Party" rally was going to break out beside us. Honestly, just because I'm a gay democrat with liberal views, why can I not also be a patriot? Since when did "patriotism" come to equal "conservative republican" or even "redneck asshole"? Scott and I decided to be the bigger men. and ignored them. If they wanted a confrontation, I wasn't in the mood to give them what they wanted. Or to let them spoil something I'd waited so long to do. Overall, the crowd was great, there was just that small group that had to be assholes about it. I hope they enjoyed the launch as much as I did. I joined them in chanting U.S.A. afterward. I guess regardless of what our political views, it's hard not to be proud of our country when we see one it's greatest technological acheivements soaring into space.

Sadly, that wasn't the worst we encountered during the weekend. While at dinner the night before, we were seated near the bar of the restaurant where we were dining. There were three guys at the bar who were very loud (why is it that the most idiotic among us are the ones who feel the need to broadcast their ignorant opinions the loudest?) and after talking about being in town to view the shuttle launch, they went on to decry the number of "yankees" who were also there, and one of them went on very pointed talking about how "we'd all be better off if the yankees had lost the war" because "we'd still have slaves" and there wouldn't be a "use your imagination for the vile word he used to describe our president" in the White House. Really? In 2010? I looked at Scott to make sure I was hearing what I was hearing. I shook my head and began to chuckle to myself. He kept talking but I tuned him out. He had no concept of history, let alone the reality we live in. For one thing, if the "yankees had lost the war" there would be TWO countries instead of the one he kept talking about, and Southerners would have no care about who was in the White House. Secondly, I don't think he realized that not everybody owned slaves. Sadly, slaves were a financial asset, and given his obvious lack of mental capability, I doubt he could ever have managed to hold onto finanical assets long enough to actually aquire any. Like I said, No concept of either history or reality. The sad thing is that he probably votes.

So, we had quite the interesting time on our overnight trip to the space coast. Overall, the better part of human nature out weighed the bad. Or at least I was able to ignore the bad enough to enjoy the once in a lifetime event we were there to see.

Next up, some shuttle launch photos.

Today was a Bucket List Day . . .

Okay, I know I've been neglecting this blog horribly for the last six months, and I'm very sorry. I'll do my best to change that in the near future.

That said, I've got to tell you about my day today. You see, today was a Bucket List Day.

Not that I have a Bucket List per se, but there are definitely things I've got in the back of my mind that I want to do "someday". Happily that list isn't as long as it used to be. Things like "fall in love" and "live happily ever after" were crossed off the list when I met Scott; and together we've accomplished a few other items such as "attend High School reunion with same-sex partner and watch the reactions" (to the credit of my classmates, the reactions were overwhelmingly positive), "visit Paris", and "stand on a Broadway Stage" (sadly as a guest not as a performer, but you take what you can get).


For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by space flight. I remember being a kid in the early 70's and watching the big rockets on television as astronauts were going to the moon. When the shuttle had to be diverted to White Sands Missle Range in New Mexico and I was in grade school, I begged my parents to let us skip school and drive the mere seven hours across New Mexico to see the shuttle because it would likely never be that close to us again; and in High School I actually did stay home from school to watch the Challenger lift off, sadly it never made it into orbit and became the "where were you when . . . " moment of my generation.


So one of my "someday" things has been to see a space shuttle launch. Since we moved to Florida six years ago, we've seen several launches from our house. But that's just the bright rocket glare at night, or the smoke trail during the day. I wanted to actually SEE the shuttle itself at the top of that flame and smoke as it blasted itself free from the Earth's gravity and took astronauts to the stars (well, if not the stars, at least the space station). The scheduling was always off for us to head east and watch the launches, though.


Until today, that is. Wait. Let me backtrack a few weeks. We knew that this was our best option to see a shuttle launch due to it's mid-month timing a while back, so we planned to buy tickets to see it from the NASA viewing area. A couple of weeks ago, Scott got up early and logged into the site's "virtual waiting room" and waited to be randomly allowed to buy tickets. The prime launch location tickets were sold out in under two minutes! And the secondary viewing area was sold out in 20 minutes. We were out of luck. Several of the tickets showed up on eBay within the hour priced as high as $1000 per person, (marked up from the $58 that NASA sold them for. Let me just say now that I hate the people who bought tickets, not because they wanted them, but because they decided they could milk the people who DID want them for insane amounts of cash. There is a special level of hell reserved just for them.) we decided that purchasing tickets from scalpers on eBay was not in our price range, so we started looking for contingency options. We booked an overpriced hotel room in Titusville, FL (the town across the waterway from Kennedy Space Center) and began researching locations. There are several locations in Titusville where the shuttle launch is clearly visible, and we decided to try for one of those.

So last night, Scott picked me up from work and we drove out to Titusville and checked into our hotel. Then we drove along the waterfront part of town checking things out. We found a house with a bunch of signs offering reserved parking spaces for shuttle launch viewing with the proceeds going to charity (More description of this set-up will follow in a blog entry tomorrow or Sunday). It sounded like a great deal to us, so we forked over some cash and reserved a spot for the morning, and went off to dinner.

This morning we got up WAY too early, had breakfast and headed back to our reserved spot. We got there right at 8:00 am (for the 2:20pm launch time) and grabbed the last spot right on the water. Looking across at the space center, we could see the launch pad! All we had to do was wait.

It was hot, it got crowded, and I got midly sunburnt. But at 2:20pm today, I crossed an item off my bucket list.

Atlantis lifted on on her final mission and it was a beautiful thing to see! Pictures just don't do it justice. I was giddily laughing and crying at the same time. The shuttle arced to the left as it began to track toward it's orbit to meet the international space station and then the sound hit us. And the rumble. We could FEEL it! It was amazing. The crowd began to clap and cheer, and I was transfixed. It was SO FUCKING COOL!

Eventually the shuttle was no longer visible, and the crowd slowly dispersed (we were finally able to leave our parking space two hours later) and the normally hour long drive home took nearly three hours.

We're sunburt, we're exhausted, we're punchy, and we're in agreement that it was TOTALLY WORTH IT!

So that's where I'm at. One less thing on the bucket list. Not sure what I'll tackle next . . .

In the meantime, what have you got on your bucket list?